So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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