Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
