some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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