third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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