I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
