My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
