are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
