I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
