Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
