remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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