I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
