you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
