I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
