i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
