I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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