Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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