he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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