OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
