So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
