I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
