i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
