I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
