I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My pussy is not your playground.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
