after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
