i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
