I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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