how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
