You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
