i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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