Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
