Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
