It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
