How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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