Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
