Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
