you guys were way drunker than both of me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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