I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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