As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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