I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
