READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
