I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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