You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
