I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
