wrigley field is MILF paradise
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
