I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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