I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
