please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
