They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
