Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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