so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
love makes seman taste better
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
