Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just crazy horny about you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
